Elul 3/August 18

Begin with Vulnerability
Hineni he-oni mi’ma-as, nir-ash v’nifchad mi-pachad…
Behold me, of little merit, trembling and afraid, as I stand before You…
It is with this plea that Rosh HaShanah begins. Sung by our cantors, it is traditionally an intention-setting for the shaliach tzibbur, the one who is tasked with representing the community. So, what does it mean for us, all of us, to begin these Holy Days with vulnerability?

So often, vulnerability is seen as a weakness. If we are vulnerable, we are open to attack; our defenses are somehow weakened. Our soft spots are not endearing, they are targets.   Rabbi Stephen Kushner writes:
Would that we had the courage to reveal to just ourselves and particularly to those we love what we see as our failures. Would that we were willing to take the risk to open up about whom we really are, to take such ownership of our lives. It goes beyond honesty. It’s about making yourself vulnerable.

The rabbis of the Talmud wonder why it is David, and not Saul—the first king of Israel—whose line continues? David, a womanizer, a manipulator, becomes the forerunner of the Messiah. And why? According to one tradition, it is because David acknowledges his flaws; he wears them, the tradition teaches—like a coat. He doesn’t pretend to be perfect; he is vulnerable enough—and strong enough--to admit that he is not.
There is an innate vulnerability to the High Holy Days. As the gates open, so does the Book of Life. The Unetaneh Tokef teaches that all is written in our own hand, but what will we write? These days are meant to push us, to challenge us, to bring us to the brink….and then, we pray, safely back. These days challenge us to open up to ourselves and our loved ones and our God, to acknowledge our flaws and our brokenness. Only in that openness can we begin the work of teshuvah, of repair, renewal, and return.
Pitchu li, sha’arei tzedek—we usually translate as open for me the gates of righteousness. What if, tonight, this year, we imagined asking: Open me, open me before these gates of righteousness. And when I am open, when I am receptive to change and possibility, I can enter them—praising God.